March 1997 - Napkins
My present puzzler pertains to..... NAPKINS. And the
lack of them in many Tim Hortons stores.
If you know me, you know I love Tim Hortons. Purveyors of
fine, fresh coffee and tasty treats, Tim Hortons is a donut store
I visit on a regular basis. But why, oh why does a store that
sells sticky buns, filled donuts and other gooey delights NOT
have napkins on every table?
Time was you'd go in a Tims and there's be a napkin dispenser
and a sugar shaker on every table. Now you go in most Tims and
the only napkin dispensers are on the counter. So, what do you
do? If you're like me, you grab a whole handful of napkins, fully
expecting to have messy fingers. Or you go to the table napkinless
and then, as Boston creme filling oozes down your fingers, you
have to lick your hand, wipe on your clothes, or make a return
trip to the counter.
It doesn't make sense. What was happening down at Tims? A
rash of napkin dispenser thefts? Unlikely with all those Police
around! Customers abusing their napkin privileges? Hey, I take
more napkins now, "just in case," than I would ever
take from a dispenser on my table.
And those dispensers had other uses. The chrome napkin holder
made a handy mirror to make sure you looked good if you were
meeting a date. "Do I have lettuce on my teeth?" If
you had to make a note of a phone number or address, a napkin
could always come in handy. Knock your coffee cup in your lap?
Napkins were on hand to mop up the mess without all the other
customers witnessing your distress.
I have no doubt that money is at the root of all this. Chrome
dispensers aren't cheap I bet - and that must have been driving
up donut prices. But seriously, isn't it worth it for customer
satisfaction and dining comfort?
So, that's what I'm wondering. Why did Tim Hortons ditch the
dispensers? If you have an answer, or have anything to add to
the napkin debate, please e-mail me at Dave@McClellandMedia.com
April 2, 1997 Update... I've had this in reply, from the
ever vigilant Tiana De Benedetti.
I personally think it has to do with Wendy's taking over Tim
Horton's. The Trans-national figures think that it must be a
"Canadian" thing to have napkin dispensers at every
table, and the "American" Macho thing to do is grab
napkins at the counter, or else be tres cool and have gooey stuff
on your hands. That is my Oliver Stone theory for today.
April 10, 1997. Two puzzlers for you this time. My
first pertains to..... soft drink bottle deposits.
Our provincial governments are to be applauded for their recycling
initiatives. New Brunswick introduced a partly refundable soft
drink deposit scheme acouple of years ago. Nova Scotia introduced
a similar scheme last year.
On the face of it, the plan should work pretty well. Buy a
can or bottle of Coke, pay a 10 cent deposit and get 5 cents
back when you return the container to a Redemption Centre.
But that's the problem. Redemption Centre's aren't always
easy to get to. You have to collect and store your redeemables
and then make a trip to the Redemption Centre with a large bag
of leaky cans and stinky bottles. It's an extra trip for me.
It's an extra trip for the truck that picks them up from the
centre.
Take a look in garbage cans outside convenience stores. How
many redeemables end up being thrown in the trash because people
can't be bothered saving the can to take to a redemption centre?
Why can't the responsibility for collecting, storing and moving
empty the empty bottles and cans be placed on the people who
distribute and sell the products in the first place? The soft
drink manufacturers and the stores that sell them.
When I buy a can of pop at a Green Gables, for instance, why
can't I return the used can that's rolling around on the floor
of the car?
"Ah, but," I hear you say, "they don't have
the storage space to do that." Of course they do. They sell
a case of pop, they have that space left to put a case of empties.
The delivery truck delivers a whole whack of cans and bottles
and returns to base empty. Why not use that space to carry the
used product? It saves the fuel and operating costs of sending
out another truck to a redemption centre. If you need a precedent,
look at the system in use at Nova scotia Liqour Stores. You return
a case of empties when you pick up the next case.
There have to be limitations of course. No-one can expect
the local KwikWay to take bags of old cans and bottles. There
has to be a maximum number they will accept. 24 would seem like
a logical number as many cans are sold in cases that size.
My proposal would have many benefits. The ease of return would
encourage more people to recycle - everybody goes to the store
on a regular basis. They can just drop off their redeemables
when they do. Children would be able to recycle easily at their
local hang-out - get them trained at an early age! We all save
gas used for special trips to redemption centres.
So, what do we do about it? Well, I'm going to write to my
MLA and suggest my scheme. Why not write to yours? What do you
think? Write me at Dave@McClellandMedia.com
April 17, 1997. Cameron Bales responded with
this...
There used to be a 15¢ deposit on small (12 Oz) bottles,
and a 30¢ deposit on bigger (24, or other sized) bottles.
This was when I was about 5-10 - now at the same time a bag of
chips was 25¢ and so was a candy bar. This meant that if
you found a bottle or two you could actually get something that
could start your body vibrating. Now at 5¢ each and chips
or candy nearing a dollar you need to have twenty of the things
before you can get some sugar. To get this level of returns the
deposit on bottles would have to go up to about 50¢, and
they would have to be "refillable" again instead of
just "recyclable." Refillable bottles were handled
exactly as you describe - it worked, it could work again.
Cameron .:.
I e-mailed my questions about soft-drink bottles to
the Nova Scotia Liberals, Conservatives and New Democrats. To
date only the NDP has replied and they seem to agree with me.
Below is an excerpt from a letter to Nova Scotia's Minister of
the Environment, written by John Holm MLA, the NDP's acting leader,
in December 1995.
The soft drink industry is correct when it states that its
responsibility for its own containers is diluted through the
Resource Recovery Fund (RRF) mechanism. The conclusions reached
more than a year ago, through the consultation undertaken on
your government's behalf by Martin Janowitz, should be adopted
in the regulations. As he reported, the deposit-refund system
will be ineffective in achieving reuse of waste resources.
The mechanism for contributions to the RRF and for contributions
to the cost of municipal waste management should reward each
industry which, like the beer industry, collects and reuses its
own containers or packaging, with equivalent but less generous
rewards for those who collect and recycle their own containers
and packaging. This would take us in the direction of the German
packaging law, rather than applying solutions which leave municipal
taxpayers with the residual costs of collecting waste resources
generated as a consequence of industry policies.
My second puzzler this time relates to... My Eyebrows.
Yes, I know I'm getting older. My body tells me all the time.
New aches, new wrinkles. Receding hair on my scalp. More hair
on my body. I have to trim nasal hairs. And I worry about my
ears sprouting.
But what concerns me most is my eyebrow hair. It just seems
to have gone completely whacky. I've never had strong brow hair.
It's light coloured and I have to darken them when I'm on stage.
But the last couple of years my brows seem to have gone crazy.
Each eyebrow seems to have split in to two warring factions.
One half grows one way. The other half goes the other. So, from
the centre of my face the hairs grow out, but an inch and a half
from the end of the eyebrow the hairs change direction and grow
inwards. Where the two meet has become a mess of hair. To make
matters worse, the right brow conflict goes down, the left brow
goes up, which tends to give me a weird surprised raised eyebrow
look.
Has anyone else experienced this phenomenon? And what the
heck can I do about it? I trim to control it, but I need a real
solution. Ideas, suggestions and any other experience with unweildy
brows would be appreciated at Dave@McClellandMedia.com
April 17, 1997. It seems I'm not the only person with
brow concerns. Charlie
Rhindress responded with this...
Dearest David,
Having been born with next to perfect eyebrows I can offer
little help. However, I should mention that many years ago I
had a cyst removed from just above my right brow and I now have
a half Jack Nicholson thing going. Not very helpful I know but
an experience I felt I must share.
Love, The One Eyebrowed Jack
May 22, 1997. I've talked about my eyebrows before.
But my puzzler this time concerns my toenails.
How fast do your toenails grow? And when do they do their
growing?
Mine seem to grow like weeds - and they do it overnight. I've
lost count of the number of times I've been jolted from sleep
because I've stabbed myself with my own toenail.
Like most people, I do my foot fettling when I'm drying off
after a shower. I check the nails, do any trimming, dry my foot
and then sock it. Well, you'd think I put my tootsies in a bag
of fertiliser, because at least one toenail will bug me in the
wee hours. And the middle of the night isn't ideal toenail trimming
time. You're bleary eyed, it's dark. But I have to trim before
I can get back to sleep.
Does anyone else have this problem? And if so, what is your
solution?
I know I'm pretty unique in the toenail department anyway,
because, unlike most mortals, I can boast eleven toenails. Yes,
eleven toenails, ten toes.
The toe next to my left big toe has two nails. One in it's
regular spot and a smaller rolled up nail next to it. I've had
this supernumerary since birth. Doctors tell me it's easily removable,
but I like being special.
Could this additional toenail create extra nail growth hormones
to be released at night? As always, any suggestions and comments
are welcome.
Nov 12, 1997
There's something I've wondered for a while and maybe one
of you might be able to help me find an answer. Especially if
you're bird-lover.
I want to know: Why do a Pigeon's wings squeak when it's in
flight?
Now, for those of you who need to know, a pigeon, according
to my dictionary, is, "any of numerous related birds having
a heavy body, small head, short legs and long pointed wings."
Take out the references to birds and wings and it sounds like
me.
Anyway, we have a lot of pigeon visitors at our house. We
have a pet duck, Jemima, and the pigeons like to scavenge her
food. We've grown quite attached to them and have even adopted
one or two disabled birds.
I've always noticed that when a pigeon takes off it has a
quite distinct (unique to readers in Quebec) sound, a kind of
squeak like a creaky door. And when a flock of pigeons fly overhead,
you can always tell it's pigeons just by the sound, without looking
up. Not that it's particularly safe to look up when pigeons pass
overhead.
It's a noise that seems limited to pigeons. I can't say I've
never noticed a wing-noise from any other bird in flight. So,
what the heck causes it? If you know, or have a biologist friend
who has an answer, please let me know and I'll share it with
the world.